Dustin Simon Sips His Bitter, Bitter Tea

[Dustin Erikstrup]

Hello Lori and Drew,

I have a song for each of you today:

Drewbie, this one's for you.

Lor, this one is yours!

I'm a *slightly* bitter juror. (Not actually, but Imma play a bitter character.)

I have been reading every comment and I am very impressed with both of your games. Drew, you had a very UTR game, which I definitely enjoy. ou definitely held your own, especially these last few weeks. You got some power these last few pivotal moments and that's good. Lori, you're always a threat, a force to be reckoned with, and these dipshitswere like "Yes, let's bring this previous winner, mastermind, and dominatrix to the end, because that's a FANTASTIC idea."

I am VERY happy with this Final Two, even though both of you can eat my whole ass

So let's get onto the questioning:

Lori: Our relationship was non existent. We didn't speak ever, aside from the double house week when we were both nominated in different pairs. That was more of a "maybe we aren't doing well in this game, let's vote to keep each other" but nothing was salvaged beyond that week. I knew you were dangerous, but I wasn't sure to what extent. I didn't hear about anything you were doing. I didn't know what you were doing. I just knew when you won HoH I wasn't safe and I got 5-0'd. 

You're one of the best players I have seen. You might walk away a two time winner in this series. So tell me, with your expertise, what did I do wrong this game? Where was I lacking? What did I do well in this game? Would it have been smarter for me or the house to keep Nick over you that one week?

I ask because I had no idea what you were up to, but I want to see what you thought of me all game, since I apparently had to be split from Drew before Andrew left, before Jackie left. You can be as honest, blunt, or sugar-coaty as you think is best to get my vote.

Drew: Drewbie, my future husband, my friend (possibly). I came into this game swearing I would not let myself get Porsche'd again. But I did by you. Now I'm not AS blindsided as I was with Porsche. Honestly, I wasn't even as surprised as I could have been. We never had an official deal, I was more surprised that you were close to Dani, and that I got fucking 5-0'd out of the house. I was surprised with your completely FAKE behavior when you said "Oh my gawd, Dusty Wusty, If you like, totes hear I'm voting you out it's cuz I have to totes hide our friendship. I'm totes evicting Dani." I was upset that you didn't have the balls to be honest, when I was honest to Victoria about keeping you over her. And I was upset about your completely tragic and inconsiderate goodbye message that was a) the SHORTEST [aside from Shane's irrelevance] and b) the LEAST sincere. 

Now I'm not mad at your gameplay because it was smart, but in a game where the people you fuck over have a say, that was not the best idea. Honesty would have done you so much better. So, my question for you is: 

What percentage of the work did you put in your real alliance? What did you do that was more impressive than Lori, Jessie, and Dani? At what points in the game did you feel you were in danger, and how did you overcome those obstacles? Do you feel comfortable sitting by Lori, or would you have preferred to sit by Jessie in this F2 and why?

Both: I want the both of you to choose two jurors: a juror you believe will vote for you, and a juror you believe will never vote for you. You may identify which one is which, if you feel comfortable doing so. You can leave it as a surprise or anonymous if you think it may do more harm than good. And I want you to give a music video/song to each of the two jurors. You can describe your relationship, describe them, maybe the song reminds you of them. But you cannot add anything to the song, just say who it is for.

And that is all my bitterness flushed from my system to vote pure-hearted and with respect. I want to reiterate I am not mad at either of you (anymore) and I am genuinely impressed with the games you played. I know I am here and you are there because I am not good at these games, and you two are. You have worked so very hard, and you deserve this final two. I love you both. Good luck!

[Drew Daniel]

Dustin, my sweet sweet Dustin. I thought about my last message to you for days after your eviction and I regret ever sending it. I had a gut feeling it would come up in jury questioning.

But to address it, I just want to apologize. Not for voting you out, but for being fake about it. I genuinely liked you a lot on a personal level and I wanted to vote to keep you so bad but voting to keep you just didn’t align with my game plans and the game plans of my alliance with Jessie and Lori and I should have dealt with your eviction a lot differently.


"What percentage of the work did you put in your real alliance? What did you do that was more impressive than Lori, Jessie, and Dani?"

I would say I was a very crucial part to my alliance. While I felt very comfortable in my alliance with Jessie, Lori, (and Shane), I knew not to close doors on everyone else. I made side deals and connections with almost everyone and that helped me gather intel that was helpful to us as a group. If you want an actual percentage then I would say 33.333% because 100 divided by 3 is 33.333 and I feel that Lori, Jessie, and I all brought our own strengths to the group and we worked equally as hard to accomplish the goals of the alliance. What I did that was more impressive than Lori and Jessie was not stand out as a threat. I feel I’ve played a strong game, but I always made sure to downplay my social game and strategic game to ensure that Lori and Jessie would be targeted before I was.


"At what points in the game did you feel you were in danger, and how did you overcome those obstacles?"

I’ve had a few instances in the game where I found myself in trouble. You would think that my first instance was when I was nominated in week two, but I felt confident that I’d survive against Jen, so I didn’t really feel I was in danger at the time. The first time that I actually went “oh shit” was when Nick came back into the house and won HoH. Nick, Nicole, and I had an alliance but because my true loyalty was with Jessie and Lori (and Shane), I had to evict Nick in week 3; so I knew I had burned the bridge between him and I, but that wasn’t gonna stop me from trying to rebuild that bridge. It took a lot of work, but I felt I had finally gotten back on his good side. Yes, I was still one of his nominees that week but he reassured me multiple times that I wasn’t the target and that he’d even campaign FOR ME. A second time that I felt I was in danger came in week 7. The week before, Nick had graciously given me a christmas present which contained an auto-nomination punishment if I did not finish in the top 4 of week 7’s HoH competition. I knew I wasn’t the strongest in competitions so I feared that I would be nominated, but I pulled through and managed to land in second place. A third time that I felt I was in trouble was at the end of week 11 (final 6) going into week 12 (final 5). I knew that I had hurt Dani by not respecting her wishes of getting rid of Jessie, and instead taking out Jackie. This was troubling for me because going into the final 5, Dani was the only one left who would have a reason to target me before anyone else. Shortly after Jackie’s eviction, I put my social game to the test and tried to explain to Dani my thought process behind doing what I did. She was very upset with me at first but eventually came around and we had a close bond from then until her eviction.


"Do you feel comfortable sitting by Lori, or would you have preferred to sit by Jessie in this F2 and why?"

To answer your fourth question, I do feel a lot more comfortable sitting in the final two with Lori than Jessie. Socially, strategically, and physically my game and Lori’s game are at a more level playing field when compared side by side. I can actually defend my game against hers, where as if I was up against Jessie in the final two, she would have absolutely destroyed me. She played the better social game, the better strategic game, and the better physical game. She was a very well rounded player and I would not have had a fighting chance against her.


"I want the both of you to choose two jurors: a juror you believe will vote for you, and a juror you believe will never vote for you. You may identify which one is which, if you feel comfortable doing so. You can leave it as a surprise or anonymous if you think it may do more harm than good. And I want you to give a music video/song to each of the two jurors. You can describe your relationship, describe them, maybe the song reminds you of them. But you cannot add anything to the song, just say who it is for."

This one's for Dustin <3

And this one's for Jessie <3

(another Hannah Montana song because deep down I'm actually a little 12 year old girl)

Game aside, I care for both of you a lot on a personal level and I can't wait for the game to be over so that y'all can stop ignoring my snaps  Miss you, frens. 

[Lori Valenti]

Hi Dustin!

First off thank you for all the kind words! That's so sweet of you to say. And I hope I do leave here a two time winner!

Let's talk about your gameplay:

You started off good and socialize with everyone but your problem was once the game started to die down so did your game play. When games start to get slow you always want to ensure you're putting more effort than mostly everyone else left. Even if it's just a short IM message to say hi and make small talk. Also, you need to learn how to adapt to each week since each week is so unique. For example you were in an alliance with Drew and Victoria but you never branched out. When your alliance members started to hit the block (week 2 and forward) you needed to come up with a plan B and C. If I was you I would have started a new alliance with people who I thought were running the game (since you weren't winning HoH's) and tried to see what their plan was and get in their good graces. You can't leave this game up to chance. There was no way your alliance was going to win every single HoH so you needed that back up plan. Also, when having conversations with other housemates to make them think you are with them you need to talk a little about game. Even if it's just throwing out certain individuals names and talking about their threat level. Give them something! Because I know that when someone isn't talking game with me... They have to be talking about it with someone else. I hope these little tidbits help!

As for the week that it was me against Nick it do believe it would have been better for Nick to go. If the vote went the other way the finals would have been totally different housemates. Nick, Meg, Marcellas, Eddie and Danielle. And I don't think you were on top of their priority list as you were with the other half.

The reason I needed you split before Andrew and Jackie was because I was in an official alliance with Jackie and I did have a "let's look out for each other" with Andrew. Us two had nothing so I know if you got into power I would have been in danger that week.

So I'm so old and don't know how to post videos on here but here are my songs...

Meg - sound master T "too much booty"

Marcellas - Rihanna - "Bitch Better have my money"

Thanks Dustin!!

[Drew Daniel]

Actual footage of Old Grandma Lori when she finally figures out how to post youtube videos